Dad’s Eulogy
Derek Pearce – 1/12/35 – 9/12/21
A Eulogy
It seems odd to be standing here in a near-empty room. I’m told that Dad wanted a small funeral, but even by his own standards, these are pretty extraordinary lengths to go to to get your own way!
The family would like to thank everyone who is joining us via the video link. It is such a shame we cannot all be here together, but we will share our memories of Dad at a wake in the Spring when we can hopefully meet in more safety.
I came into the world when Dad was 40 and so incredibly, he’d lived half of his life by the time I can remember anything. Thankfully, much of what I didn’t know about his early life, has been filled by the many relatives, friends and colleagues with whom I’ve spoken over the last few weeks. It really has been a source of joy and great comfort.
It is a feature of them both that Mum and Dad forged long and lasting friendships throughout their lives - from school friends, to holidayers and more recently through the many clubs of which they were members. But what has struck me most, was the number of people who Dad managed at work with whom he was still in touch. If my experience of managers is anything to go by, I cannot help but think this must be rare. Exceptionally so. It says a great deal about Dad that professional colleagues became, and have remained,personal friends some 25 years after his retirement.
If Dad is looking down today, as I’m sure he is, he can be proud of what he achieved. His relationship with Mum was long and successful, they were naturally close, loved each other, complimented each other, and shared interests while giving the other space to forge their own. They had four boys,which is no mean feat, and even more incredibly, we haven’t turned out too bad!
While Mum did most of the raising, Dad spent 35 years of his life working for Friends Provident in Dorking. Their marriageprovided a fantastic home at Westwood in Southwater and through Dad’s prudent management of money (most wouldcall it thrift!) we always enjoyed a Sunday roast and summer holidays. The home, the garden, woods and fields that surrounded us, were the perfect playground for four young boys growing up.
Before I came along, the family holidayed at ‘the cottage’ in Wales, which will always be remembered for my brothers fishing for trout in the nearby river. In the late 70’s, Mum & Dad bought their first caravan. The memory of those early caravan holidays are somewhat hazy for me, but I do vividly remember my brothers taking it in turns to sleep in the bunk or on the floor, while I squeezed into a space at the foot of Mum & Dad’s bed. Later, as Mark back-packed his way across Europe and Asia and Gary served in the army, Neal and I had the benefit of a few more caravan holidays and the first trips abroad. Dad became a master of the work calendar, exploiting the Bank Holidays and his flexi-time to the absolute maximum, so that we could enjoy regular Easter breaks, a week in Spain over Mum & Dad’s wedding anniversary and two weeks somewhere in the UK. I have very many happy childhood memories, many spent at some time with people who will be watching-in today.
Freemasonry also formed a big part of Dad’s life outside of work and family. A long-time member of the Carfax Lodge, he held numerous positions, including Master of the Lodge. Of course, everything was top secret, but I do remember Dad used to painstakingly record the lines for ceremonies onto cassette and learn them on his 30-minute drive to and from the office. He was always pretty smart like that. We are delighted to be joined online today by Mike Brindle, the current Master of the Lodge, by a number of Lodge members and by several friends who were regulars at the annual Lady’s Nights and the infamous weekends in Bournemouth.
When Dad retired at the age of 57, he and Mum were young enough to enjoy their retirement to its fullest. Those 35 years at Friends Prov paid their dues and Mum & Dad could indulge in more regular and longer trips abroad to New Zealand, South Africa and other parts of Europe. It also meant Mum & Dad enjoyed a long and happy 25 years of retired life together. Never ones to waste a day, they filled their lives with walking groups, memberships of various societies, the U3A and of course, an ever-increasing number of grand-children.
Dad was a character, of that there is no doubt. He had an uncanny ability (some might say a mischievous enjoyment)for winding people up, but he was fiercely loyal, principled, honest and had a wonderful sense of humour. Underneath an often-tough exterior, he cared about the people closest to him. Of impressive intellect and with a thirst for historical knowledge, he always had two books on the go at any onetime – one, fiction for light reading, and the other, non-fiction for his interest. Both brought him pleasure and will give us untold grief when we try work out what to do with thehundreds of books he has left behind. It also meant Dad had an opinion to share and invariably had something interesting to say, and so he made for good company. An evening with Dad was rarely dull.
Amongst his collection, there are numerous biographies. His own life story was one of two childhood sweethearts who fell in love and who shared much over their 63 years of marriage, but whose final chapter sadly closed as Dad slipped away peacefully on the 9th December 2021. There is no more fitting end for their story, than that Dad should pass on what would have been Mum’s 85th birthday – a circle was completed that day, as if it was written in the stars.
The epilogue to his biography would reflect on someone whosaw it better to work to live, than to live to work. And almost certainly it would say that when life reaches its natural end, those closest to you and the memories you create together, are worth more than any possession money can buy. At the end, Dad left this world with his family, friends and many, many memories.
Dad gave the impression of being very much his own man. To some extent he was, but he was never the same after Mum passed away. He never really recovered from that loss and so,it is both a blessing and a comfort that they are now back together.
I will forever be grateful for the start in life that Dad & Mumgave me; for the opportunities they provided, for the memories they created, for the joy they shared in my highs and the support they offered in my lows. Thank you for everything.
And one last thing, Dad. If life was a game, I’d say you won, and not everyone can say that.
Shared by Dean
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